this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
