but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I have post one night stand depression
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
