His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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