it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
