the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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