We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
