why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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