My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
