My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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