I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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