you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
