ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
