I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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