I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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