girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
