I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
