I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
