I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
