You really coming over, don't trick.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
