Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
