i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
