Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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