Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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