I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
