If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
