and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
