My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
