you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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