mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
