i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
honey bunches of taint.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
