Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
