one two three fourrrrnication!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
