worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
