I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I party with great urgency now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
