I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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