I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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