and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
