I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
