The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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