can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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