There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
