If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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