I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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