Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
