I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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