Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
