things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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