i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
