we're chasing vodka with high fives
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
