Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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